I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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