Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
