would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
