Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
