dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
