Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
