That's when you crack a 10am beer
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
