Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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