I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
