bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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