You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
