I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
