when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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