He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
A+ Viking dick
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
