I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
