So drunk its hurt
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
