Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
