Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
