I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
