Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
