i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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