I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
