He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
