I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
When are your genitals available?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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