Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
