totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
