By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
