oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
