When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
