yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
