2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
