They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
