i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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