do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
