just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
