i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
