Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
