Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
