Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
They have beer where we have blood.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
