Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
