the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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