he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
