Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My dick has a subreddit
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
