Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
