On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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