how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
