Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
