Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I still have a little drunk in my system
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
