So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
