Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
