Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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